Long distance love

Of course if you’re in a relationship and you other half can’t accompany you, it’s not as easy as all that. CD-traveller spoke to several long distance lovers to find out whether travel can make or break a relationship…

Name: Christina Rowlandson
Age: 33
Occupation: Diplomat
Situation:
I met my boyfriend on vacation in Miami – he had travelled down from Toronto while I had flown in from the Cayman Islands where I live.  We  hit it off immediately and after the holiday was over kept in touch and managed to meet up approximately every month which was bearable – any longer than that and it hurt! However nothing beats face to face communication when you can see each other smile, react, and pick up on different kinds of facial expressions. After six months we realised that for the relationship to really work one of us would have to move. Unfortunately, when it came down to it neither of us was ready to up sticks, leave our family, friends and home town and make that sacrifice and so sadly we decided to split.

Top tips:
Communicate, communicate, and communicate. I don’t mean mini-messages sent by blackberry messenger or Skype, though these can be enchanting and romantic, but communication on what your goals are and how you are going to help each other achieve those goals – whether they are spiritual goals, physical goals, emotional goals, career goals, family-related goals, or socio-political goals. Communication is also important about each other’s financial status so that you can be sensitive to one another and take that into consideration when planning to meet up. In a long distance relationship planning is key and does take some coordination.

Name: Sarah Briton
Age: 28
Occupation: Publishing Manager
Situation: Tom and I started seeing each other two and a half months before he was due to go back home to Australia. He had been in the UK for three and a half years and had made plans to go back to Oz in the autumn for three months before we even met. It was an awful prospect to be separated for so long when everything was still so new and exciting.

I was worried things between us would be put ‘on pause’, but Skype has been a godsend – we have been able to keep in touch almost everyday and have managed to continue getting to know each other. The time difference has been a bit of a challenge but we have worked the early morning / late evening calls into our daily routines.

After considering staying in Australia, Tom has fortunately – for our relationship –planned to return in January for another year in the UK so at least we will get a chance to give things a real shot….

Top tips:
Multimedia communication:  keep in touch by post, email, text, phone, packages and through Skype – being able to see your loved one is so much better than just being able to hear them!
Make future rendezvous plans so that you always have time together to look forward to.
Keep yourself busy – catch up with friends, see a show, try out that new recipe – so that you don’t spend too much time pining for your other half.

Name: Holly White
Age: 25
Occupation: Designer
Situation:
I was presented with an opportunity to work abroad that I felt couldn’t turn down as it would help further my career. I decided to go for one year although it ended up being 18 months.

Being an expensive seven hour flight away from my boyfriend was tough going but I kept reminding myself that I was abroad for a reason and that in the long run it would benefit me – which it has. My boyfriend was extremely supportive and understanding and we made it work by using Skype, webcams and visiting each other every few months. I did in away like the distance as I was achieving something for myself and being independent was important to me, but if I was to do it again, I would make sure we could both go somewhere together.

Top tips:
Don’t listen to people who say it won’t work. I had lots of people say negative things to me, but ignored them as I knew my relationship was strong.

If, like me, you’re the one that has gone abroad, remember that your partner is still at home and it’s always harder for the person left behind. You’re doing all these exciting new things and meeting new people but they might not be. So it’s important to include them be sensitive to how they are feeling.

Write: letters, emails….and when you visit, hide notes for them to find when you leave!

Name: Matthew Hall
Age: 26
Occupation: Trainee Pilot
Situation:
My girlfriend was offered a job abroad, which I knew she really wanted. It was such a good opportunity that she would have been silly to turn it down and although I didn’t want her to go it would have been wrong of me to try to stop her. She wanted me to move with her, but I wasn’t in a position to do so as I was still studying. While she was away we spoke everyday so that we didn’t grow apart; Skype was a big help because it is free, and we could see each other. We also sent a lot of emails and letters and saw each other as often as we could afford to. She spent a year and a half overseas but happily we now live in the same country and are still together. Its brilliant being close enough to see each other whenever we want and we are definitely much stronger for having had a long distance relationship. But I wouldn’t want to do it again!

Top tips:
Work hard to talk/email as often as you can.

Always have a date set for the next time you see each other.

Trust each other and be honest.